Shakespearan

Sea? Titil itself of this peece making my point. It all about English spelling. In psychology, for instance, p being silent. Then why not in spelling also put one silent p, I asking. Everybody silent about this, because they not know. (By the bye, it just now only striking me why in crossword cloo it say quiet when it mean p.) Many peoples before itself commenting about English spelling, so I also feeling compelled to do same. It very weird, I thinking. Take well known rhyme now: I before e, except after c. This not applicapable to weird, which proving that it very weird. It having rhyme, yes, but what about reason, prithee tell me (prithee word I learning from drama play of my nameshake). Then there this alphabeta called c. Sometime it sound like s and sometime it sound like k. It, it, what that word, yes, it come to me now, skitchofrenic. Sometime it changing mind about what it being in very same word! (I giving egg sample: concatenation.) Matters getting vorse when two cs gathering in one place. They completely going berserk and behaving like x. (I again giving egg sample: success.) It strange phenomenon. And why not fenomenon? Why p and h ganging up and muscling in on what rightfully f’s place? If you putting ph in f’s place,  why not phat, phan, phollicle, phantastic? Then let us say f taking revenge on ph and put fantom, fantasmagoria, filosophy. This h also sometimes teaming up with c and grabbing k’s place. Also it appearing with g in might, tight and right, and it beating me what it doing there. It mischieph maker, I thinking. Coming to thinking of it, what g doing there in first place? Confusion confounded when two letters having almost same sound. Like w (by the bye, why it being called double u? You not even needing glasses to see it actually looking like double v) and v. So vim and win having same sound, but not spelling. We moving on now to the mysteries of the bowels. Or it being vovels? As case may be. These being five in number but problems they causing not being countable. First of all, why I doing duty as a in first? And one typing anywhere, but not averywhere. It everywhere. You using I in wind, and also this same I again in find. I sounding like I in wipe, but in type, I sound job being done  by y. Why? And u. Sometime it making short a sound, sometimes it making you sound, and sometimes it simply standing around like silent bystander. And what they mean by putting double u (not w double u, u double u) in vacuum? It making one fume. Now we coming to this word manuver. If you spelling it correctly, I giving you peanut burfy. One movement, I check dictionary; here it go: m and a and n and o and e and u and v and r and e. It as if someone wake up one day and saying, hey, say what, what ho, I say, by Jove, rum thing, eh, (all these being Britishisms, I bunging in for othenticity) why not have word with all the bowels? But even they not being able to bring themselves to put I in it. I thanking them for showing so much restraint. But what point in going on and on? There being no dirth of egg samples. Every second word in English language illustrious of wonky spelling. As if there not enough confucius, Americans declaring independance (or is that being e) and changing spellings randomly, because they have dislaxia and also disrespect for British. It all very obituary! Or is it being orbitrary? Anyway, in middle of all this, Indians winning spelling bee contest regularly. That because they getting it all by heart. Head no use when it come to spellings.

I writing to kindly bring to your attention plight of vertical peoples in this our lowly city. Or it being lovly? As case may be. Majority of gents and all ladies in our city being below six feet, they not facing this problem. I renumbering one old advertisementing for Complan in which one boy hanging from handrail in bus. If that boy knowing the difficulties lurking round corner when he grow up, he not hanging from handrail. This same handrail treacherously give him rap on head when he become tall. Why? Because bus is built for average person. Whole city built for average peoples only. Average in heights, I’m meaning, they may be intellectual giants and horizontally well developed, I not costing aspersions. It very mean. Generally, height is not handicap, lack thereof it is. But if always you be in imminent danger of being fetched nasty rap on head by just a few egg samples: 1. Signboards, 2. Electric transformers, 3. Door frames, 4. Bus roofs, 5. Underside of stairways, 6. Flying saucers, then it deplorable, unfair, discriminalatory to tall peoples. One day, tall man looking at ground and walking, because he humble or not wanting to step in dog poo, then a hoarding planted in middle of pavement come into violent contact with his head, then he holding head and cursing the ugly offspring of the ugly offspring of nameless vileness that put the hoarding there, may he go away and come back as a louse. Then for next many months, tall man is careful. He fearfully looking upwards constantfully as he walks, never mind dog poo. Then one day come, tall man forget, his head in clouds, and he relax vigil for moment, doorway catches him on top of head. His head in executive agony. Or is it being exequisuit? As case may be. Then tall man revile all illegitimate pygmy sons of dwarf lilliputs who building booby traps all over place. What tall peoples to do? Wear helmet all time? Not at all practical. So it my humble request to all peoples to raise bar for safety for tall peoples.

Other day I watching old Tamil film song video on U tube. It having Raja music, so I intentioning to watch with eyes closed. But then I seeing that it featuring Bhanu Priya. So I watching with both eyes and ears. Before I forgetting to mention I mentioning that song is meaning ‘electricity in small laugh’ in English. Bhanu Priya truly being electric. She dancing like she having springs in backbones and rubber in knee joints. It also helping she very restful to eye. The song being so entertaining, I watching it again. You know how it is, in second viewing you catching details you miss first time. This time around, I realizing with mild shock that there is second person in video, not only Bhanu Priya. This person is very fat, very dark and making hideous look like sadly inadequate adjective. I watching video third time to solve mystery of why Tamil movie suddenly turning into remake of beauty and beast. Now I noticing that this person also moving his limbs, which looking like hippo pottamas legs. That only his arms. His legs looking even fatter. Then it dawned on me, this man trying to match moves with Bhanu Priya. When Bhanu Priya shaking leg, he shaking leg fat. When Bhanu Priya piroetetting, he turning around slowly like circus elephant doing atma pradakshinam. When Bhanu Priya jumping into air, spinning like top, doing scissor kick and then landing gracefully, he simply jiggling his breasts. There being only one word to describe this man’s performance: gross, grotesque and horrific. That three words, I know, I can count very well, thank you, but after I saying one word, I finding that it not enough. Then I watch video fourth time. I finding now that this person growing on one. He showing such endearing oblivilousness of his grossfulness; it like he taking well known advice to dance like nobody watching.  This actually too true. Who will watch him when Bhanu Priya also in same frame?

Titil, I clarifying for those not in know, being corruptition of aunty and uncle. This how being that Tamilians pronouncing those words. As you seeing, sounds emerging from their mouths having no relation to actual relatives’ names. If you immediately understanding the titil and finding explanation superflus, then you Tamilian only. Subject of this peece being how these indigenius peoples adaptating foreign tongue and speaking it not like Peter and Paul (I again giving another clarification: Peter and Paul referring to genric white anglo Sacksons, (or is that being Jacksons?), and not particular persons) but like peatru and Pall. And Same-su (James), Dei Vittu (David) and omelet (Hamlet). The last is good egg sample of how they mangling Queen’s English.  But holden there, hold your arses, wait a nimit for five nimits (this last being Tamilanglicism). Why Tamilians should speak English like Englishmen? Not at all needed. The latter coming here from small island and impositioning their upstart dialect (which being monstrous corruptition of Sanskrit to begin with) on ancient and evolved culture. So it only right we twisting their tongue to our taste. Anyway, have you heard English peoples mouthing Tamil (Taa-mil)? It…It…what is mot juste? (Which is being French, which being more cultural than English.) Yes, I getting it! Risible. Risible, that what it is. I giving egg sample from movies: Kappalottia Tamizhan, in which Chevalier Sivaji staring wildly as collector dorai murdering Tamil language, prior to getting down to murdering Tamilians. Of course, dorai here being played by our own S V Ranga Rao, who acting as white man by wearing blonde wig and oodles of Pair and Luvly (Fair and Lovely), though I not sure if Fair and Lovely available those days.

So I here down below giving guide to Tamilanglam pro-none-see-yeshun with aid of few egg samples. Before I doing that, I studying dictionary to find out how they showing how to pronounce words. I seeing they using something they calling dia-critical signs. I going to omit them, because I not knowing how to make them pratyaksham in blog post.

Pust rule: all English words ending with consonant becoming automatically Tamilanglam if ‘u’ sound (like ‘u’ in ‘kasu’) being added to end of word. Egg sample: puttu (put), scenu (scene), bonu (bone), dogu (dog), minu (mine), yoursu (yours).

Secondu rulu: Bowel sounds always loose only. A,e, i,o and u being interchangeable and elongatable and transformatable and ommitable and vomitable. Egg sample: World being pro-none-see-yated as Whareld (that last e being not like e in red but like e in calmed), yeskissme (excuse me; this pamously being said by superstar in one filim. (By the bye, he also saying underwear in one filim when he clearly actually meaning understand. I not understanding why, but I not questioning superstar. He only writing Oxford dictionary. At same time, he writing Webster with left hand. And Collins with right foot. Left foot he keeping free for scratching head)).

Thirdu rulu: Wherever there being ‘f’ sound, it freely being changed to ‘p’ sound. Egg sample: pustu (this already occurring before only in this guide).

Parthu rulu: Whenever there occurring in word ‘X’ sound, it being replaced by ‘gg’ sound. Egg sample: egg sample.

Pipth rulu: When there being ‘l’ and ‘m’ togedher, then ‘i’ insininuating itself betwixt them. Egg sample: filim (film). Sometimes this being pro-none-see-yated as pilim (see therdu rulu).

Chixthu rulu: ‘S’ sound to be ockasionally changed to ‘ch’ sound. Egg sample of rulu already self evident in numbering of rulu.

Savnthu rulu: If word beginning with ‘o’, it is wokay to add ‘w’ sound before ‘o’. Egg sample: wonly (only)

Eytthu rulu: All above rulus for odunary parsons wonly, not applicapable to won and wonly TR. He not talking English, he rolling it into joint and smoking it.

Other day I thinking very deeply, even though this making me look constipated. I perserving, because I thinking about vital issue, viz, democrazy. Before we proceeding further, I wanting to state I very well aware of pspelling mistake in title, please to be not jumping. It deliberrate. Why? Because Americans changing all sa sounds to za. America, as everybody knowing, is world champion of democracy, so I changing c to z. It only fitting.

Before I coming to present day democrazy, I wishing to find out about its ancient origins. That it ancient   is confirmed because pakathu veetu mama, who I consulting, knowing all about it. Not only he himself being ancient, he also knowing only about things before 1900 (I not sure if it BC or AD). He considering everything after that is result of ‘kali muthifying’ and not worth knowing.

Mama telling me that democrazy coming in crates from Hellen, who very beautiful and launched thousand ships, possibly to transport crates. It all a little hazy now, I thinking mama having amnesia and it contiguous disease. He forgetting computer password and also forgetting where he putting notebook in which he putting password. So he not even being able to consult Wikipedia. I reading somewhere that 70 percent of data in Wikidpedia is bunkum, so this may be good thing.

All this bye the bye, let us be coming to democrazy. In modern times, Indians taking ancient Greek invention and developing it into fine art. Today, India being world’s democraziest place, because peoples here having at least two votes each and biryani, TV, sarayam, grinder, sari, dhoti for each vote.  On top of all this they also taken for ride by polliticians to polling booth.

This actually very admirable arrangement. First polliticians bribing peoples for votes, and thereafter peoples bribing polliticians for everything else. But our democrazy system, it giving peoples choice also. In addition to veg or chicken biryani, peoples choosing between three parties. First party having convicted criminals, second having successful criminals (because they doing crime and nobody knowing) and third party being rave party. People generally not choosing third option because it amoral and demeaning ancient culture of our country.

Once politicians being chosen by peoples, they going to lower house and breaking laws. Sometimes they also breaking bones. Someone once telling me that they actually making laws, not breaking them, but I telling that someone sharply to check his facts. There also being upper house, but election to this house shrouded in mystery and I not knowing about it. I not going to ask mama again because he is sleeping. Bye the bye, lower house being called bloody Lok Sabha and upper house being called what the…Rajya Sabha.

Elected polliticians are public servants, so they obligigated to entertain people with freestyle fighting, mega scams and cut outs. This established custom which is coming from TV channels, where also people voting for best singers, dancers and buffoons. This another egg sample of democrazy undergoing innovationing in India.

All this happening in rotation system, so all elected polliticians kicked out after five years. But they making enough money for five generations in five years, so that is perfectly ok.  That about it, I suppose. Anyway, I running out of things to say and it bed time. Bye.

See, titil of this post rhyming. That itself is being poetry. My nameshake one of greatest poets of English language, you may be knowing. He writing many sonnets and all his drama plays also very poetical. What he say, now, I dredging memory…ah yes, I copying pasting from Internet: “The poet’s eye, in a fine frenzy rolling, doth glance from heaven to earth, from earth to heaven; and as imagination bodies forth the forms of things unknown, the poet’s pen turns them to shape; and gives to airy nothing a local habitation and a name; such tricks has strong imagination.” It very profound, it going over my head largely, but still you seeing and I seeing it about poetry. Nowadays, it being easier to write poetry, though it much more difficult to understand. Even more difficult to understand why it called poetry at all. Poetry, I seeing, is all about appearance. First, poet having to look like poet. It crucial and not all peoples master of this art. There two ways to do this: 1. Supermodel who revealing hidden literary talent. 2. Intellectual with dreamy look forgetting to bath for past three days. I wondering how it possible to always look like you not bathing for three days. I meaning, every third day, you looking freshly washed, right? Never minding.

Then, it not only appearance of poet, but get up of poem also being important. See egg sample below:

to
make noodles
bring
a cup
of water (200 ml)
to a boil
add
noodles
and don’t forget
the
tastemaker

Now (this no longer poem, bye the way), you seeing how look of words affecting way you reading poem. If you not breaking lines in judicious places, how people know it poem? It very important technique, please note it.

There being third important thing needed for today’s serious poet, which is standing in public place and courageously reading writings aloud, even if it make you look like a total donkey. So you be practicing with above egg sample. In bathroom if you shy type.

At outset, I admitting this also academmic paper, like earlier one I writing some times ago (refer ‘The use of…’, Shakespearan, partners et al, the journal of Tamil pedagogy Vol 123.)  I also freely admitting that title of this paper lifted from 2, 3 titles of academmic papers I seeing, reason being I not being able to think of one myself. While on subject, I also admitting (I feeling like higher secondary school in June) that whatever in first pair of bracket above also fabricatted, no such thing as journal therewith mentioned, but this sort of thing you finding all the time in academmic papers, one needing to be authentic, no? Also I sincerely hoping you not understanding title, otherwise it not working.

We examining this fenomenon with aid of one exelent egg sample, Dr. Chevalier Sivaji Ganesan.

In one memorable scene, he saying, (I coating): “O, watt a pitty! watt a pitty!”

One should note almost imperceptibil process of alien tongue acquiring Tamil flavor in the hands of great thespian. The words being English, but emotion quintesessentially Tamil.

In one movie, Sivaji singing entire song in English, dancing with half clad girl who shimmying and writhing like eel which is ready for oil bath, but we di-gress, this academmic paper please not to forget. Chevalier singing song in English like a native. Now can Elvis Presley sing song in Tamil with same panache, eh? He look very silly, I promise you.

( I not knowing why, but this bloody Word software idiotically changing correct speling and putting rong ones. There it go again. I correctly putting bloody, and it immediately changing it to bloody. But again I di-gress, I beg pardon).

Then there the poignant, heart renting (or it being denting?) scene in which he singing ‘twinkul, twinkul littul shtar’ with dead body of son in his hands. Sniff. Excuse me, I know I not allowed to get emotional in academmic paper. As Chevalier himself putting it, ‘this is not the place for sentiment.’

That last English dialogue in movie called Gauravam. Preshtige, I thinking is correct translation. In this movie, Chevalier being two lawyers (it double action) and spinning away in Engzhish. It amazing fact that in this Tamil movie there more English dialogue than in some Hollywood movies. Here be some of dialogues delivered by Chevalier in this movie: ‘Cat on the wazh’, ‘young bull kills the old bulll’, ‘doubts’, ‘clear’, ‘public prosecutor’ ‘get out’, ‘shut up’, ‘duty’, ‘beauty’ and many more dripping with drama.

I apologizing (bloody Word changing s to z) for subjecting great thespian’s work to dry academmic dissection and will conclude.

For conclusion (as I mentioning before, academmic paper always having conclusion), I using Chevalier’s dialogue from Gauravam: That’s all, your honour.

I proud of title for this little peece. I not knowing what discursive means. But I seeing it in one of those academmic journals. I wonder if it only a speling error. It more likely to be discussive, which at least making some sense, though I not sure if that in turn is correct also. Where we be? Yes. English, Tamil, film, music. Songs. It a curious phenomenon that, in early part of 2^nd half of previous century, the Tamil in film songs was very good. Curious in light of later developments, later in same century and in this current blighted one the 21^st, in which it gradually came to sound more and more like someone hocking up gobs of phlegm. Songs today having…by the way, wait a minute, if you being bored, it not my fault, this academmic paper, don’t be expecting non-stop thrills…as we were saying, songs today having conversation of retarded cave dwellers as lyrics. Back then, it was not so. Even so, even though Tamil in songs was good, they felt need to use English also. They being polyblots. Or is it being polyplots? As case may be. We shall now examine phenomenon in light of well known egg-sample.

Case in point being the evergreen O ho endhan baby. Here just the pallavi:

Male:

O ho endhan baby!
Nee varai endhan baby!
Kalai mevum varna jaalam konda kolam kanalam!
O ho endhan baaaaaby!

To which female respounding:

O ho endhan darling!
Nee varai endhan darling!
Kalai mevum varna jaalam konda kolam kanalam!
O ho endhan daaaaarling!

As can be seen, two words in this song so far being borrowed from English, namely, ‘baby’ and ‘darling’. Now we examining these two words and engaging in speculation as to possible reasons and circumstances of their finding their way all the way from England into a Tamil film song.

We also mentioning that we leaving aside historical and geopolitical situation of song and confining our study to artistic considerations.

Imagine for moment that lyricist of yore, sitting in cramped room outside recording room in studio in sepia tone. Music director giving him tune (what ragam and talam beyond scope of current study) and waiting for words. Lyricist sitting there, also waiting. He needing two syllable word conveying much love, capable of being extended like javvu mittai, because it has pleased composer to put alapana in middle of word. He trying Tamil words, but no go. No doubt they existing, lurking in some dim corner of mind, but right now being coy.

Then all of a sudden like bang from blue it come to him: baby. It English word, but all audiences getting it. It two syllables and having a in it. Then one number more bang from blue arriving, close on heels of first one. He will put darling in mouth of heroine! That also, incidently, coincidently, being two syllables with a in middle! That also widely understood!

Perhaps, I thinking, I using too many exclaimations for academmic paper, but it not being able to be helped. One more point worth noting; all the rest of the other words in song being pure, caste Tamil. Like it be o ho endhan baby, not o ho en baby, for egg sample. This meaning three things: 1. Lyricist not deliberately setting out to write nonsense. 2. He using English only because suitable Tamil word not occuring in time. 3. People writing film songs today will undoubtedly benefitting from such egg samples, and even more from sharp rap on knuckles.  

In conclusion (all academmic papers having conclusion), bye bye.